Friday, December 17, 2010

This weekend...

I plan to:
Have the 1st family dinner in a long time with the WHOLE family (yay brother!)
Visit Ryan's family at his grandparents
Go to Old St. Charles and get all Christmasy with good friends

And tonight:
Make Christmas cookies
Watch the Nutcracker (so sad that I can't watch our old VHS taped one)
Do wedding crafts!

What about you?

P.S. Feeling slightly better since the last depressing post!
(image via Pinterest)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Perfect with a capital P
(illustration by Adam Hancher)

I feel like I usually try to keep things pretty light hearted and happy here but as this last year of college is halfway over I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders more than ever before. All the things that I've cared about and invested time in over the past few years (other than Ryan, friendships and Jesus of course) are seeming like a pointless waste of time. See, I've always felt this huge pressure to really BE somebody. Being voted "Most Likely to Succeed" in high school really pierces you in the side in college. Everyone thought I had potential. I thought I had potential. I'm so ticked off at my school for not teaching me the things I wish I knew, and not guiding me toward a career path. But really who's fault is it other than mine? Never in my life have I felt less skilled, less important, and less focused.

I know you think this is the rant of any college student but this really feels like the darkest, scariest place I've ever been. I'm embarrassed to say I'm graduating with a degree in Advertising because I DON'T KNOW A SINGLE THING about Advertising. I have nothing to show for myself, no confidence in my future, and no hope of what it's going to turn into. And so I leave you with this thought...School really is a messed up system. Straight A students are never the ones that succeed. I may have passed every class with flying colors but I officially failed college.